Olympic Gardens

This past February, I went on a Las Vegas trip with several friends. One of the places we stopped at was Olympic Gardens, a popular strip club near the south end of the strip. My good friend Odogg decided to write about our adventure there and share some of the good times we had with our drunken, debaucherous group. The following post is his words.

I have been to Las Vegas, NV more times that I can count in my 31 years of existence. It started as sort of a family thing when I was young. My grandparents had land out in Bullhead City, AZ; which is directly across the Colorado River from Laughlin, NV. So occasionally when we would go to Bullhead, a pit stop in Vegas would follow. Now, the only fun thing I can really remember doing on those trips were playing a mass amount of arcade games in all the hotels. Whether it was Laughlin, Vegas, or Primm; all prime spots for the adults to do their thing and for the kiddo’s to all go get lost in the arcades. I always had a great time when we would go to the river, and on to Vegas.

Since being a full grown adult of 21 years old or older my fun in Las Vegas has increased dramatically. I’ve gone up there with piles of money, I’ve gotten drunk with a former Playboy Playmate, I’ve been to the ESPY awards, I’ve watch Dennis Rodman gamble in the high rollers room of the Bellagio, not too mention just how many times I’ve been there and had a blast even if nothing major had been going on. I love Las Vegas! If it weren’t the desert, I’d think about moving there.

One of the things that I had not accomplished while in Vegas was to party at a Las Vegas strip club. Yes, I had stepped foot into a strip club before, but that was more of a quick little “here it is; time to go” type of thing. Now that is a shame. How in the name of Father Larry Flynt have I, Odogg (Yes bitches, that’s spelled O dee O double Gee) NOT partied at a Las Vegas strip club by the age of 31?! That’s just not right. I think if I had waited any longer the Man God’s would’ve set down their Pilsner’s and took a big shit all over me. Well, I made the Man God’s happy this year. I take that back. We made the Man God’s happy this year. Me, Dana, AJ, Hershey, Autumn and Desi went to the Promised Land. The second coming of the “Happiest Place On Earth”. This place is known as Olympic Gardens, also referred to as OG’s. Oh OG’s, how much do I love thee?

OG’s is a two-tier strip club just off from the frantic Las Vegas Blvd. The bottom floor is dedicated to some of the hottest, sexiest, mostly nude women in the state. The top floor is reserved for Tito and the Footlong’s (You will understand shortly). Upon entering and paying $30 to get into this fine establishment, the first thing you notice is the plethora of strippers parading around on the bottom floor. Good lord, there were so many delicious young women in this place.

The six of us found spots to have a drink upon getting all the way inside. I was completely amazed at how many women there were working here. There were at least 3 girls onstage dancing at all times. Almost every table had a girl shaking her ass at the patron’s sitting there, and there was always a bunch of girls giving lap dances to some lucky guys. After the first 10-15 minutes, AJ comes up to me and informs me that we are taking the girls upstairs so that they can see what the guys had to offer. Now this is where the entertainment begins.

We hop in the elevator, and take it up to the 2nd floor. Now, I’m not joking when I say that I had stepped out of that elevator door for no more than 5 seconds when one of the male strippers steps up to me and says “Hi, my name is Tito, may I give your girl a dance?” Now, he was polite about asking me, but what really stuck out was Tito’s monster below his waist. I responded with “She’s not my girl and have at it buddy!” Now I don’t know if Tito was referring to my sister, Desi or Autumn, but within seconds Dana was parked at the bar (Its your birthday!) and both Desi and Autumn had Tito and the Footlongs doing things that just made me crack the fuck up! I swear both of them girls had 2 feet of shling shlong at both ends of their bodies. Every one of us was cracking up at what these guys were doing to them. Legs in the air, face in the chair, sideways, backwards, upside down and pretzel style. I swear I almost got put through a wall from a stray swing.

After a little bit, the guys went back downstairs so that we could let our tongues drool for a while. Here come the drinks. We were already fucked up from the other bars we had been to earlier in the night, and that surely continued at OG’s. We were drinking beer, mixed drinks, and champagne (Thanks AJ), while handing out dolla dolla bills ya’ll to the dancing queens. I had found a nice spot front stage with AJ and Hershey following suit. Let me tell you once again how gorgeous these girls were. I swear I think I spotted about maybe 3-5 girls who weren’t drop dead gorgeous.

Now, I don’t know how long the girls were upstairs, but it wasn’t too long. However, it was long enough for Dana to come downstairs and tell me that she was broke already. Fucking Dana blew her wad upstairs on the men, when in reality it should’ve been the other way around. Luckily my sister has a very nice boyfriend and of course he hooked her up downstairs with some cash flow.

Now that we have all 6 of us present on the same floor, drunk off our asses and fixated on the mass amount of coochie in this place the fun really gets going. Our attention is fully on the dancing girls and all the ass that’s walking around. Now there was this one girl dancing onstage that really caught my eye. This woman was hot! I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. She knew it, she spotted me, she knew I was gonna be her next sucker. I didn’t give a fuuuccckk. She kept eye contact with me while she exited the stage and made her way around and to where I was sitting. I knew what she wanted, she knew what I wanted, and most certainly AJ knew what I wanted because quicker than shit AJ threw out a $20 and said “Go get a lap dance man.”

I stand up, this fine piece of stripper meat by the hand, and let her lead the way to lap dance heaven. I really forget what song was playing, and I didn’t care. All I knew was that there was this gorgeous woman wrapping her pear-shaped breast over my face, and shaking her heart-shaped butt on my nose. She turns around and straddles me. She makes small talk for a minute, asking me my name and where I’m from. La la la la, biotch don’t talk, just dance. I don’t think she heard me because she kept talking. I guess that’s just as good as a dance, especially when she's rubbing her ta ta’s on me while she talked. Back to my seat I go!

I get back to my seat and nothings changed. Ass, titties, booze, tongues on the floor, all major components of a great strip club. So all of us are still having a bomb time, doing our thing when this blonde girl who was dancing comes up right in front of me and DRAGS me up on stage, puts me on my hands and knees and commences to (deep breath) spank my ass sooooo good. Not that I remember too much about what I said, but according to Dana, phrases such as “Harder, harder!” “I’ve been such a bad boy” and “Don’t stop” were being yelled by me. I was loving it! There’s nothing like a good spanking on stage at a strip club in Vegas to bring a smile to my face.

Now as I was getting my freshly paddled buttocks off the stage, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that a girl had found a spot next to Hershey. At first I didn’t see her too well. I was concentrating on not falling off of the stage amid my drunkenness. So I sit down, do a swivel to the right so I can check out what Hershey has going on over there. Ummmm, WTF is that?! This, ummm, girl(?) has a big rack, but looked like fucking Gary Busey with long hair. I have no clue what was being said, but apparently Autumn, who was sitting on the other side of Hershey caught on and put her ring from her right to left ring finger, placed her hand on his lap and said something to the effects of “Is everything ok here honey?” Phew, I think the Padres just found their new closer because she saved the day.

I tell you right now, that was surely the single most fun I’ve had in Las Vegas. That whole night rocked, but the few hours that we spent in OG’s was a fucking hoot. We were all sad to leave, but we ALL were broke by the time we exited OG’s. I love you OG’s. We love you OG’s. We will see you again in May!

Ed. Note: Odogg is absolutely correct in saying that chick looked like Gary Busey with long hair. Even after having been drinking for 14 straight hours (no lie), beer goggles didn't make her look any better. And it's always my luck to get that one ugly chick in the strip club to not leave me alone, so God bless Autumn for saving my hairy ass that day.